Saturday, August 28, 2010

stop letting me down

i'm really really really disappointed in you.
i forgiven you, but i find it very hard to face you. This is not the first time you broken your promise to me. And i am trying to figure out, whether you didnt do it because you wanted to secure your position, or whether you were just as blur as ever. But whichever one it is, I'll just let you know; you hurt me. You know how much i wanted this. You were the only person i trusted enough to know, the only person i dare muster up enough courage to tell you how i felt about this matter, and yet you were the one to cause me to lock myself inside the bathroom, crying.
this isnt the first time. and this was something that meant alot alot to me. something i was craving and working towards for a long term. YOU. in just three seconds. BLEW IT FLAT. and I dont know how come but i still love you as much. But if you ask me to talk to you right now, or if you come up to me with that goofy face of yours, i really really dont know what to do. I dont have the courage to look at you, because once i do, i may start crying when i am reminded of what you did. Yet i know that if i ignore you,You may get hurt and you may say that I am the worst person cos I am forever ignoring you. But can you please realize your mistake first? I dont want to hurt you. I dont want to hurt our friendship anymore, theres enough damage done. I want us to be happy, but if you continue with this i really cant put up a smile. I comforted you when you werent chosen, and when you were re-nominated i smiled at you. did you remember your promise to me? I'm afraid not. You let me down yet again.
My birthday is just this Friday. and because we're not having cca on tuesday, it'll be the first time we "meet again". I wonder whether you'll remember my birthday, and whether you'll remember my birthday wishes that you promised to get me. I really wonder. I trusted you, you have to earn that trust back. i know my birthday wish isnt something that you can get off the shelf. i wanted that a few months back, because i wanted effort and not money. i know its not something that can be done within a few hours. its not. but i say again, this is your last chance to make up for everything. next. even though its my birthday, i have no idea how to face you. really. everytime i think of this i feel like crying. its not the fact that i didnt get in, its the fact that you let me down, once again. i repeat i forgiven you already. i'm not angry but yes i am upset. but i have forgiven you. its abit hard to explain, but i think its best if we have a period of time we dont talk to each other. let me just think over things. if i have to come face to face with you, i may break down so please. just stop letting me down.

Labels: tears

Monday, August 23, 2010

sick

again, i am sick D: 
bronchitis;cough;slight fever;blocked nose;loads of phlegm;
the list goes on D:
just recovered from stomach flu, now i am suffering from lungs problems
how nice. i missed so many lessons already, i really cannot afford to miss more

Saturday, August 21, 2010

yog dance fantasia

yesterday makes it to my top ten nights in my life so far. it was a night where i was with all my beloved batchmates and seniors. it was a night where a performed a major dance together with them, a night where i heard the audience clap happily, a night where i felt love in the air. lets just start off from somewhere.
my friends arent exactly the most supportive of my cca. they probably look down on my cca, and making fun of chinese dance all the time. but it was last night that i realised, so what if they dont like it? candice, maybe its time you start to move their hearts and make them like it!
since LOA yesterday, we huazhuang and did our hair, i realised the meaning of friendship, and that caring is sharing. everyone shared everything we had, including our makeup, hair accessories.. we didnt care whether it was running out, we just shared, out of the love we had for each other. (okay sensitive skin is another matter) but this is just a simple example of how much we care and share! (: plus, we're always ready to help someone with their screwed makeup, or even if they are just plain lazy to do it, even if we are super rushed for time, and our makeup is even more screwed. its really touching thinking about it
okays leaving the dance studio with loads of nerves cos i scared i left sth behind D: but i didnt! and.. i saw my classmates.. mainly nichole ade christine elysia miyeon rachel cherise. they all wished me luck and i was really really touched to know that there are people out there, though they are not coming to watch me perform, they are rooting for me, and it totally took the nerves away. thanks people, for cheering me on. a simple jiayou/good luck works wonders dont you think?
okays when we reached... all this not so important. the performance was nice... yet to me it was the after perf. many seniors cried D: i didnt feel like crying till the retarded finale. because it was only then , i realised, all this would be gone. this is? 

it is the fun and joy i had. it started with laoshi putting me in a position. then i realised i was next to yixian. which made me bully her and maybe grow closer to her(: then i started talking to more seniors like dilys and yijun yay. and audrey and i also started complaining each time at the rolling for xiaohongdian which slowly gave me the courage to start talking to seniors. and progressively, i grew closer to so many more seniors which really made me look forward to each cca practice. of course my awesome batchmates i grew closer to people like huayi, made it up with linda, formed the 3s with huimin and grace, did more lifts with lynn, and went out more with roujing. there were the sad times. of course. the quarrels and river of tears i had over jessica, the times when i just kept trying yet i didnt improve, the times when i got scolded very badly over and over again, when i was lonely and no one noticed. but without these, there wont be what will stay in my head : the memories.
the sec fours are leaving soon. and i am oh-so very sad. there are so many awesome seniors there, who will also support me, cheer me up, and encourage me. when i am feeling low when someone scolded me, they will give me advice, or make some joke that within seconds i will forget that i was even sad. the sec fours also have taught me alot, not just in skills in dance, but in character. they are super helpful, and recently i grew closer to a few of them, but i really dont want to leave them. time passes very fast, and i dont ever want their farewell to come. they'll be in hwachong, and even if they come back those measly times, it wont be as nice as seeing their beautiful faces in the corridors or just in the dance studio, smiling at you each cca. their leaving is really saddening, because i love them alot, and they are super precious to me. i only had like.. three same dances with them? one main performance. the same dance. yet within just five months i bonded more with them. they bring me so much laughter, yet i am given such little time left with them, to repay them, to thank them, and just to be with them. seniors are one of the things that really make me love this cca and want to go to to cca practice. i wasnt going to cry yesterday, because i didnt want to make others sad. but during finale, the thought of them not being around anymore is really really so sad i almost teared. its hard to imagine how we had so much fun in such a short period of time, and how we grew to love each other more. they make the society so much better with their talents and all, i'm really really really going to miss every single one of them, none forgotten
to my sec four seniors, jiayous in your life and ily!

Labels: Chinese Dance

Saturday, August 07, 2010

perfect match.

This time, i bother putting up the photo. Yes, i am done with reading Perfect Match and i think its lovely. But maybe its time for a few comparisons instead of a plain ole review. I would relate this book to two other books by Jodi Picoult; The Tenth Circle and Keeping Faith.
Before that, here's the review :D i found the whole process interesting, and this was one of the fewer books that i read by her which i had bothered reading every page. the other books were My Sister's Keeper and Keeping Faith. -this does not mean anything. i love Picture Perfect most yet i skipped a whole main part- But anyway, the whole story was really nice and interesting. I found the lawsuit pretty cool, and it was nice to read about, the interesting way the lawyers listen for words which they can twist around, the reactions to the witnesses, and what Nina -the main character- was thinking all the time.
Okay this story is about Nina Frost, she's an prosecuter who prosecutes child molesters. Yet one day her child gets molested. She kills one of the suspects, and only finds out later on that its his half brother who raped Nathaniel - her child- Caleb her husband kills the real rapist. She got a jail term which is suspended. And she can no longer practise law ever again, but be an awesome mother for her child.
I found it quite sad for Nathaniel. He keeps thinking its his fault whenever something goes wrong, and he keeps himself quiet so that nothing will happen again. He's just five, and he's really really understanding. He loves his parents alot, and the moment Nina got put in jail again, he stopped speaking and he only signs "mother" which is very sad. He's very sensible. He knows when he does something wrong, and although its not good for him as he puts the blame on himself only, even when he got raped he thinks its his fault. He tries his best in everything , and he knows how to make his parents and everyone around him happy.  What a perfect child right, yet nothing is ever perfect.
Nina. i thought she's cool :D hahas the way she speaks, with confidence and words that make you really think deep.. And she really loves the people around her. She tries her best to protect her son, and maybe, just maybe, she was right in killing that guy. okays besides the fact she killed the wrong guy. but what she did was out of pure love and protection for her child. Which is why i seriously admire her. She knew from the very start that her life would probably take a roundabout when she planned to kill that guy. yet she did it. However, she thought she could control everything. no comments about that though. And she's pretty awesome in the fact that she really thought she should be punished , when she realised she killed the wrong guy. An innocent helpful guy who forgave her still. WOW. haha but i think she handled her relationships real badly. Example : patrick.
Patrick. Nina's bestfriend. He loves her, or maybe loved. maybe ever since he moved away, and the story progresses he stopped loving her. which i would feel is an absolutely sad thing. in fact, the fact that he left was the only sad thing in this whole story. Its like Picture Perfect all over again. He left because he needed to let go. He left out of love. haiz D: Okay, so Nina did commit adultery with him. But come on, they both love each other. He has done so many things for her, he knows her so well. Yet, there's no perfect ending for him D:
Caleb. I kinda pity him. As the husband of Nina, a murderer gone crazy, someone who cheated him. What a sad life. But he didnt treasure Nina well either. It was only when Patrick told him Nina climbed that 3000 miles for him, though she was super scared and could faint, he realised what a real treasure she really is. I THINK HE IS THE COOLEST IN THIS WHOLE BOOK. hahaha he went to kill the real rapist. I wonder what will happen in the end seriously omt.

Comparison. Tenth Circle : someone got raped. well yeah. its a youngster that got raped. well yeah.
Keeping Faith : it involves a mother's love for her child, and how much the mother would do for the child. and the lawsuit was really nicely fought, similar in KF.

it may not be my favorites. But its much loved <3

Labels: Touched

Friday, August 06, 2010

yay batch 12 first outing!

today was awesome awesome awesome!
except one part D: but i shall not let that get into my awesome mood (:
okays i didnt need to run cross country yay much
and i reached school slightly later. before 730 la (: yay to the dance studio! <3
okays then we danced.. and i kinda got scolded during dance. cos i was giving the super confused look, but laoshi says its the pissed look. and i wasnt pissed! D: i was just worried.. D:
and she forced me to smile D: well basically she scolded me. and for the whole day after that, she kept correcting everything about me. which is good, cos i would change! :D but felt alot of pressure, and i felt really stupid too D:but enough about that, makes me sad D:
okays okays okays then my batch went to orchard. we ate at koufu (: pepper lunch and coke ftw. then neoprints. met sec three seniors. then went to 313. shopped. coughcough. then left. wait i bought for one more day at 10 bucks yay humin ily for helping me save money. then left to take 111. and saw 8 sec fours on the bus. smiling sweetly at me. DONT YOU THINK THEY ARE STALKING ME. hahas then went home lorh :D
i am lazy to type too much. just wanna let you know how much i adore the whole nycd. be it batchies seniors juniors i love you all <3 and laoshi too ! :D

Labels: Chinese Dance

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

post exam joy

hello earthlings out there :D
i just realised i havent blogged in ages i feel guilty! its either i blog everyday, or i dont blog until i bother to. and its not like as if my life is deprived of worthy things that should be on the blog, but aya you know what laziness does to me. it controls me. after the computer and the tv that is. which is why i should seriously blame if i really fail the blocks. but i'll get to that afterwards
okays let me just list the things i can remember D: ohh yah yitong was sick for two weeks ): poor thing lorh, she not only miss all the lessons, but she so good miss almost all the blocks. pray that she can catch up! (: she so smart, its no doubt.
hmm i remember one thing! :D we did our china thing performance already!!! D: i think i screwed up quite alot, but i enjoyed the whole time. like since the very first practice. i guess its all due to seniors and batchmates♥ so thanks people for making my first dance with my batch so enjoyable and lovely(: ohh but then i kinda kept on getting scolded cos i had to switch place with someone and then it was really complicated and then i keep on cant get there , so before the whole damn thing i was super worried D: but it turned out fine, i think (: so it wasnt ohh too bad.
okays ermm church(: i saw the guy who wrote my science textbook omm! btw omm stands for oh.my.my. hahahas okays okays so i did willing hands with stacy's group yay. and i also did fishes and loaves which were fun! oh but. our group only had three people. plus rachel left halfway--" so its kinda like wo men yue bang yue mang. in the end, i realised that i help out at the drinks counter and help and count money is still the best to everyone. hahas diluted orange juice which looks like mango juice even after tons and tons of ice is loved ♥
yupp okays ermmmm and D: eclipse! hahahas i went with roujing. its apparently my bday present ♥ as in the movie ticket. but i still spent quite a lot of money o.o hahahs okays we did camwhore.. and we kinda enjoyed the movie quite alot so yay? hahas and we ate at kfc. but yah it wasnt a trip that was planned, its was a last minute OKAY I GO that kinda thing
ohh and jessica and i had a serious heart to heart talk, and we decided what are the major problems between us. however we had had not have cca after that, so i hope things will go okay.
okays the most tensed thing here. block test 2. one word : screwed. one more word : demoralizing. the standard for the WHOLE of block test 2 is really high , especially math and history. math was plain killer, everyone on facebook agrees with me. history the questions itself was not too bad, it was the time constraints. i think in each class at most also just 15% could complete the whole paper lorh. chinese was quite worrying, but chinese is always having this weird relationship with me, when i least expect to do well/badly, it gives me that. hahaa geography. okays i thought it was okay. but miss yip went through the assignment today. and it was kinda screwed): cos i realised i made the same mistakes in the blocks.. which would lead me to minus i dunno? around 4 marks? and thats just the confirm minus away already. plus miss yip also say our class the max-min temp question we did real badly. so we're kinda screwed. and geography was the only subject i HAD confidence in like puhhlease. LA i know i screwed up too. mr.chow sorta said the expectations? and i didnt really meet any of them... but i dont really care, cos in life, its all about making mistakes and just learning from them and moving on. okay fine i admit i do care alot, its grades. but i'm just praying and praying and praying i didnt screw up TOO MUCH D:
when i asked miss yip about taking geography next year, she listed alot of very fun and interesting things we would do! and the field trips are soo much cooler than trip science like please. can climb volcano you know :D and active one somemore.. look inside and smile(: awww and and and can go maybe australia or wherever and look at the coastal areas and stuff(: i should seriously sit down and think about my options. like everyone is joining triple science and is asking me to join it too. and triple science is also more acknowledged.. yet geography is my love♥  so so so so i really dont know.
any suggestions for a confused me dear earthlings out there?

Labels: catechism class, nanyang