Friday, July 16, 2010
its only through certain things, no matter how insignificant, no matter how much time it takes, thats when you see through the colours of your friends.
excuses. do they really work in this modern world that we live in? or are we simply running away from the problems that we have created with our own two hands. if you had really meant to do it, there's no stopping you.
likewise, if you had really wanted to help me, if you had me in your mind, even time would go all out for you. but i guess i wasnt what you would consider to help.
i know we're both facing alot of problems together. i was blaming it on her. but now that i realised, its actually our fault. and the problem lies in one word : understanding. yeah i think we do understand each other, but its all in the exterior. we dont understand each other enough to know what we expect from the other, and we may try subtle hints. but that will just make us even piss-ier when we do not get what we wanted. we may just run away from it, but the problem lies, and it'll just get bigger. yet, telling each other what we want in the face, is not the easiest, as we are both afraid to hurt each other. or make the other person be disappointed in us, and think we dont understand the other at all. its a chicken and egg cycle. Of course, the positive way is to just go and tell. Yet to me, by doing that, there is only two ways everything will end. 1. You get your way. 2. You sooner or later will lose everything that you once had. And since i cant afford to get 2. i rather not risk it.
I think we both want our own freedom and privacy. but the problem is, who we want to hang out with is not exactly approved.
i dunno, i just hope maybe it'll be better when things are back to normal, and maybe it'll be nice living in non-reality. again.Labels: friendship, Life
Saturday, July 10, 2010
happiness flowing :D
I was in such a great and awesome and happy mood yesterday!
like the whole day!
okays i woke up unhappily cos i really really wanna sleep even more ):
But, i still dragged myself out of bed. and i wasnt late :)
Caught the bus which was so awesome. haha i almost missed it leh ):
okays then reached school. found out many many more didnt do LA. REJOICED :D
hahaha then blahs school went passed! okays from here i would like to apologise to shuning, chiting, sylvia, jianing, and huihui ): sorry if i made life difficult for you in your math presentation! i'm really sorry D:
omg okays then school was awesome. and LA poem thing was extended. till monday.
i am super delighted and high by then
omg then dance lesson. i watched the seniors dance qinghuaci and qianhong. and i fangirled like shit. hahas seems like most classmates thought this :qinghuaci is very elegant and beautiful
( and the seniors dancing it were all so pretty, which i agreed!!! :D ), qianhong is very organised and cool. hahaha cool. how often is that used for chinese dance. hmm.
okays anw still at dance lesson. hahaa laoshi put me all the way at the back! hopefully she'll notice me less. wahahahaa. ohh but we went to the bar and i love nichole (: she's so much fun!!!
anw the time passed more! and chinese was kinda suckish and i didnt really listen but who the hell cares. paiseh
YAY DANCE CCA! one of the things that made me the happiest of the happiest <3
okays i went there feeling sad though. firstly, i lost my dance tee ): secondly, i wasnt there on thursday and she made major changes to hujihua . and i was confused about everything made me very sad. like later how if i cannot catch up leh??! oh noo ): that was what i was thinking.
luckily for me , i have awesome batchmates and seniors! they went through one by one everything with me which made me absolutely delighted! laoshi in the end also went through bit-by-bit so i wasnt confused, and i kinda got it! i am so happy :)
okays before laoshi came, we did our stretching larh. and .. i was working on my totally not flexible legs. and i could do my right leg middle split which made me happier. and my middle split, i am working on it i mean it! my left leg, still cant go down , but i will, by.. october. i promise. while everyone else is getting more and more flexible, i cant afford to go any stiffer. so i will jiayous, i wont expect to be like stupid huimin who is so freaking flexible -i lubb you huimin- but yah (: anyways, i caught up, and laoshi said my cemian is nice :D which made me happy!
but thats not what made me the happiest! oh yah i almost forgot, the older seniors came back! and they said really nice things, which made me super happy. but thats still not it. what i am delighted at is that : CCA ENDED EARLY! ON A FRIDAY! and when i got out everything was so bright and nice!! :DD
ohh wait i forgot to mention that the sec four seniors were all really nice and kind to me too! okays vanessa totally told a lie. she said i am the nicest candy or sth like that. LIAR. ahahha i believed that for 2 seconds! but then i was like PFFT. hahahas audrey was super nice too~! we kept laughing. and laoshi also did the transition to hongbai part, which we had to keep rolling and rolling. which made the two of us go : UGH. but ^^
omg i love dance. and i love my life. thank you God, for giving me such a nice life, for giving me food, for giving me a roof to live in, for giving me everything that i'll ever need, for letting me get into this awesome school , this awesome class, and the bestest cca ever with all the freaking nice seniors, batchmates and juniors <3
YAY HAPPY HAPPY MOOD :DLabels: Chinese Dance, funny(:, Happiness, Life, nanyang
Saturday, June 05, 2010
life lessons
i'm not going to care about her anymore
after all, not everyone loves everyone.
thats just simply the world we live in
we cant expect everyone to just love and adore us
everyone has enemies and friends
quoting from the philosopher-to-be
" ignore those people, after all, your friends will remind you what you really are"
there are people who will treasure you
and people who want you dead
like seriously -.-
dont waste your time trying to make everyone love you
just simply use that time to appreciate and reciprocate the love for those who loves you
treasure them
people talk about people all the time
if its good, dont let it go to your head, and improve on it to make it the best
if its bad, reflect and change
i read an article about self doubt recently
and it really helps i guess
:D
nobodys perfect though everyone expects the people around them to be perfect
live each day like its your very last day on earth
would that make a difference?
maybe some of you would say " wahh last day, of course dont study la~! go have fun!"
but if it was my last day here on earth
i would not sleep.
i would study, dance, hang out with my family and friends, and pray
you can never go back to the past
you cant even go back to one second before
what you can do, is to appreciate the present, and pray for the future
we all want our lives to be smooth-going
maybe if you take a step back, see what you have, compare it to others, you are lucky
you have food to eat, you have a roof over your head, you have clothes to wear.
is it really worth your time complaining whether the food is disgusting?
is it really worth your time complaining how small and squeezy your house is?
is it really worth your time complaining how out of fashion your clothes are?
well, its human nature to do those examples. we all do. it may not be those examples but its something like that
you're an alien if you dont complain.
never ever not believe in yourself
around you there are always people who loves you
you're never alone, no matter what you do
there are always people who are worse off than you
people who are suffering from inside and outside
love yourself, and others will love you too
remember, you are to be filled with love
if you are suffering, dont hide it
its not worth
that "face" of yours. what does it really matter
people dont pity you, they are concerned about you
let them into your life, and it makes a difference
note : this post is not meant to be offensive, or is it directed to any particular person.Labels: Lessons, Life
Saturday, May 29, 2010
handle with care
thats right, i just read handle with care. finally. i didnt want to read it since forever , because after i was done with vanishing acts, picture perfect, change of heart.. i didnt dare do read handle with care. i was afraid of the impact it would do to me. i know, it does sound stupid and childish right, as in after all, its just a book. yet, do you dare say nothing similar to these events ever happen? do you dare to admit no one suffers? i guess the only reason why i am so heavily affected by jodi picoult's books is because firstly, they are not fictional, and secondly, i know how to sympathize with the characters in the book. but thats not all. i empathize with them. i put myself in their shoes. i understand them, i see how would i view it if it were to happen to me. ( stupid tkam caused this ). of course, i cant possibly imagine myself suffering from brittle bone disease, i dont know how it is like to be abused by a husband, and i have never murdered someone. that doesnt mean i cant feel the pain they went through. of course not fully. but, the feeling of losing a loved one. it is one of the things i pray that i wont experience.
handle with care, is like my sister's keeper's cousin. they are relatively similar, yet very very different. the whole time, i empathized with amelia and charlotte the most. the rest i didnt have the energy to do so. jodi picoult made me rethink what i believed in. there were many quotes that left me thinking, that i had to agree with, that were just the unspoken lines i always wanted to say. before saying anything, let me ask you, if you chose to stop a loved one's suffering - either before it began or during the process - was that murder, or mercy?
hmm book review time. this is of course one of the more complicated books i have ever read, and also the thickest? but yet not draggy, and it was easy to understand. everything breaks. some things just hurt more than others. osteogenesis imperfecta. wow. do you know what that is? its a severe form of brittle bone disease that is very rare. yet it happened on willow. to me, willow is an adorable child, who really understands everything. she craves for her mother's love, but yet her mother loves her too much. can you even love someone too much? can you miss someone you dont even know? you can. its not something you can measure. i can imagine you thinking now, " lol, you're just a 13 year old kid. how much do you really understand?". maybe, maybe i really dont understand, but at least i am trying. willow doesnt complain when she is hurt. have you ever broken any bone? yeah it hurts like shit right? well, she breaks them so often. it hurts the same. she doesnt even cry. sometimes, when she breaks a bone, and she is worried about others worrying about her, that she doesnt even tell. she hides her pain so that others would be happy. i admire her for that.
charlotte. charlotte is a loving mother. She loves her child alot. just like the mother in my sisters keeper. they both have a child who isnt exactly the HEALTHIEST child. in fact are the special needs children. however, to me , charlotte is a bad wife. she is too busy being the perfect mother that she thinks piper is, or at least the perfect mother for willow, sometimes she hurts her husband in the process. a mother's job.. hao xin ku a! each time willow breaks a bone, i think she breaks something too. her heart. why did she want this lawsuit? yes, to provide a better future for willow. yes because she loves willow. but to me, why she did it is because she felt it was her responsibility that willow is like that, each time willow breaks, she thinks its her fault. why? because she probably hadnt watched out well. because she wanted the baby. because she was the one who summoned willow into the world. with the disease. its not her fault actually, she wasnt a carrier. but still, willow wouldnt have been like this - or rather ever existed - if she didnt want the baby. i am not pushing the blame to her. but the lawsuit started because deep down, charlotte wanted to push the blame to piper. between you and me, charlotte would never abort willow no matter what. she will miss her. yes, she doesnt know who willow is when in her womb. but there will always be this thing thats missing from her. unfinished is the word she used. how could you ever forget something that was inside you? how? no one is ever that heartless i believe. this is what charlotte said : things break all the time. promises break. hearts break. the world is crumbling under us; its the solid ground beneath our feet that's an illusion. love wasn't about sacrifice, and it wasnt about falling short of someone's expectations. by definition, love made you better than good enough; it redefined perfection to include your traits, instead of excluding them. things that break - be they bones, hearts or promises - can be put back together but will never really be whole. ( okay those did not come together, its from here and there )
amelia. the sister keeper here. i think her parents ( except charlotte at the end ) does not really understand her. what almost made me cry was this line by her " no you're not. you're just glad it wasn't something else that happened to willow. That's all you ever care about, You want to know why i cut? Because it hurts less than of this. " that just shows almost everything. She feels inferior. her mother is too busy loving willow. amelia, is the person i symphatized with the most in the whole book. she wanted to be loved, to be appreciated for the person she is, she didnt want to disappoint. yet she has this thinking that everyone is disappointed by her. thus she acts like that person. when they had to choose a nice restaurant to eat, she chose macs. just when everyone gives her the chance to be better, she doesnt. because she thinks that she is already like.. WORST. amelia goes all out to protect willow too. she loves willow alot and is trying to learn from willow all the time. at first i didnt really like amelia. what made me start to really admire her was her love for willow. when willow is crying, amelia blasts her music. how do you feel when i said that? maybe you think amelia is so uncaring so bad? you're wrong. it was because amelia thinks she cant do anything to stop the pain willow is feeling, and she hates herself for that, so she needs the distraction. if you feel that she is just running away from reality, maybe. but its because she loves willow a lot too, but she doesnt love herself enough. >< her self doubt sort of made me doubt myself too. gawd. she is like anna + jesse. sad ><
the rest of the characters.. i dunno la. everyone is affected somehow or somewhat. i really hope piper and charlotte will become friends one day.
this is an awesomely sad book.it didnt make me cry, but the impact is almost more than my sisters keeper in the sense that it made me think about many many things. jodi picoult, you accomplished your job for this book :D
things break, but they can never be what they were before. thus, handle with care. Labels: Life, Touched
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
long awaited 6 outing.
omg today was quite nice : D
i had fun!!
we were watching robin hood at plaza sing.
haha after catching 174 ,which we sat upstairs back row
isabelle ( at the start only ) , yitong , chinghui and i were all high
me most obviously
cherise abit low.HAHA but still comical.
then rush to gv taking the escalator ( its torture )
and bought ROBIN HOOD TICKETS :D
aww..
okays then eat.
yitong and i went to carrefour
after walking the whole two botton levels
we found carrefour sushi counter
with isabelle there
though she left later. ARGH.
hahas. but yayness sushi
i found a great bargain. !!
and then went to yoshinoya to buy set meal - me only
5 bucks student meal with drink
awesomeness~~~
after eating - weiting was slower though she started way earlier
everyone said " I DONT WANNA SIT NEXT TO CANDICE" -.-
i felt offended at first but yeahs.
then walk around lorh
daiso, yamaha, comic connection
when we got to daiso which was at 4, chinghui and i separated from the rest
they abandoned us.
we were buying some awesome bag thingo!
$1 for 11, so hua.
hahas, then i called cherise yitong and isabelle all never pick up
cherise even cancelled my call
chinghui and i were like -.- aya used to it already la
they are probably laughing at us.
okays the movie
AWESOMENESS><
i sat with chinghui and isabelle!!
the best people to ever sit with gosh
haha we were making comments ( me and isabelle )
and isabelle kept laughing at the horny parts
weiting was super interested
yitong and cherise just looked amused
chinghui and i - COVER FACE AND TRY TO PEEK NOW AND THEN
hahaha!
the whole story change leh!
its like topsy turvy
but its still nice! :D
lup lup lup
hahas the sexual references were a bit EEKISH
but the storyline quite okay la
i was busy fangirling over will scarlet <3 , friar tuck <3 , little john <3 , allen <3
AHH AWESOMENESS
AND THAT WOMAN IS ICE QUEEN LA I TELL YOU.
FOR SURE.
EXACT SAME LONG FACE AND HAIR
gawd.
but she's awesome la
haha the fighting scenes were very fierce to watch
i was scared i had to admit.
when that guy was killed..
walter!
i was so sad.
he's plain awesome and old
84 or sth
worse than ah ma.
I LUP YOU RIP.
then i waited with cherise for 18 minutes -.-Labels: friendship, funny(:, Life, nanyang
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Apologies of Love.
apologies of love
I'm really sorry for what i've done
Nothing i do can make up for it
From someone i looked forward to seeing,
You turned into a fear; away i was running.
Roses are red, Violets are blue
It is a fact that i love you
My feelings for you has never changed
Even as you made me go estranged
Our memories is stuck in my mind
As what is strong, is our bind
When i shut my lids, I think of our bids
And the smile that pushes me to a mile
When my baggage simply weighs a ton
You carried my up and got me on
You are my hope and light
That makes everything oh-so-brightLabels: friendship, Life, nanyang
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
harlo earthlings
i am back. with absolutely NOTHING to say ._.
oh wait, i do know what to say :D
hahaa i hate the feeling of losing a close friend
as in with us changing seats and all, i know the whole relationship problem - not just my group or that group or what , but really everyone in the WHOLE class - will be changed and evolved and somewhat shitty again. i thought it would last a while but yet again, nothing lasts. you may be happy for a while but were you ever happy forever? nah. same with sadness though if you look on the bright side. you can never be 24/7 emo ( ITS IMPOSSIBLE REALLY. you go and bathe also damn emo? you sleeping also emo like shit? )
i dont know whats important to me sometimes anymore. i dont know or really dont even want to care to know what is important. i just know that all my friends are dear to my heart. losing one of them, ANY, is like ripping the heart out, tearing it, pooring acid all over, stomping on it before placing it back in again. it hurts basically. it would affect my life too._.
the thing is, my feelings are hardly reciprocated. i can love someone like some shit, and never get loved back enough. never. its like that even with jessica and all. she is my bestfriend, but she will never be able to love me as much as i can love her.
just to sidetrack abit, she say she may change sex. then i will have a bf and we will have premarital sex. HAHAHA just joking if i gave you a scare
i wont give up. not so easily. i am not a quitter. i will still strive silently until you feel it one day. Letting go is not easy, it may do that person well but that person will never know. She will always just think you dont want her anymore or what. But if letting go is truly the better choice, i will choose it. Yet again. I once let two close friends go so that they will gain their happiness. At that point it didnt matter to me whether i will gain my happiness. i just didnt want their happiness to be affected by me. I wasnt important. My friends are.
I dont want to let anyone go. No one dear to me. I want to be selfish and keep them all close and be possesive. But they wont be happy. Its impossible to have everyone. Its impossible to have one person already. Bestfriend? is there such a thing? what are friends really? i dunno. i am searching for the answers i know i will think i will get one day. but no one ever knows.
this may have been a random post, but it came from the bottom of my heart no less.Labels: Life
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
cried. once again
today i cried a lot.
no, i didnt fall down or lose someone dear to me
someone else did.
i was reading my sister's keeper
and suddenly the tears came
isabelle was worried, then faye..
then i went to jessica and she was like --
everyone else gave me a hug
sylvia also got scared.
haha until i told her why
i guess i am pretty sentimental when it comes to certain stuff.
when on death and dying, or leaving or sad stuff i can cry
i can empathize and sympathize quite well i guess.
i even cried when reading and watching charlottes web when charlotte died.
yeah its fiction. its a story.
but its sad, touching and it gets to the bottom of my heart
especially when i put myself in the characters shoes.
maybe you would think i am childish, maybe i am
but here is the line that made me start crying
cos after that subsequently when i cried was because i read on when Anna died.
i wonder if i lose my perspective in being your mother, because i'm so busy being kate's
i thought it was quite touching that her mother actually knew what she anna might have been going through, and that anna deserves our pity because sometimes, she doesnt have a life on her own. it revolves around others too much she doesnt know who she really is. i am not a mother ( come on -- ) so i may not know how it feels. but i can sympathize with sara in the sense that not many things went smooth for her every since kate got sick. i was thinking as i was bathing, a family needs a lot of courage and love for someone who is sick in the family, because someone may get neglected. it may be the sick person, it may be others. i admire those who handle it well and yeah.
thank you jodi picoult for writing such amazing books
i cry at each book.. lol i wonder if thats good or bad.
(was real emotional while writing this,)
Labels: Life, Touched
Sunday, March 21, 2010
I AM BACK (:
ok i realised my lovely fans have been asking me to blog recently
and i havent been neglecting my blog dearly these days.
haiz..
ITS OK! i am back <3
hahas its after march holidays already
actually this year time past so slowly
i miss sec one life.
it was filled with laughter and tears
sec two life is filled with projects and homework
what is this -.-
but of course i am enjoying it too!
and as usual jessica is being very nice and encouraging!
yay i love my ah ma!
oh and i shall no longer private my blog
cos i know people would wanna read it!!
well yeah -.-
ok i just feel very egoistical these days
hmm i am currently listening to Taylor Swift,
Gawd i love her!! hahas
i bought her album but i am trying to find her first album
if anyone knows where to get it please tell me!!
hmm i shall talk about the million things that happened so far in brief
i got three mortals, nicolette, rachel and april
who are all very cute (:
lol yes writing letters like hell
not to mention i am writing to yitong, jessica, chinghui ( starting ) and my angel but that one is like on a monthly basis. HAHA we're both very very busy i guess.
i still love shopping
spent 93 bucks the other day
i had a class BBQ in which lao shi came!
yay and she took UNGLAM photos of me. but it was fun with her around
ching hui and i were being retarded at the beach but it was loads of fun
hmm my three people project grp is ching and isabelle
my two lovely people!
hahas and i am chioinging my chinese SIA
which i will show you part of it later no worries
and jessica is my bestfriend.
well yeah-.-
i am in love with chinese dance now.
GAO GEs YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
ok and huimin is as gross as ever
and i am still the sickest.
hahas
its lovely in ballet and all ,
perth was sth i will bring with my for my life forever.
... oh ya chinese new year!!
hmm hong bao less = stingier ppl.
but i used my money to buy my new OMNIA lite phone
it is awesome though i recently lost my stylus
hahaha
hmm thats all for now.
i promise to blog soon kays
( there. i didnt say when SOON is) Labels: Life
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Nichole and HER life.
To all 106 people:if u think YOUR life sucks.think again.people are dying the moment u read this.and u are still living in ur comfort zone.at this very moment.people are starving from hunger ( if u tell me u r too i dun give a shit if it is because u havent ate for a few hours or didnt eat ur lunch) and then if u think ur duty is tiring( if u are from 106) then, then think of people like nichole. i bet u heard her complain before. but do u know how tiring it is for her? her past wasnt that good. And i am very sure she had changed ALOT since she came to NYGH. Having to be called up every night by a teacher.. DO U KNOW HOW FREAKY THAT IS? one night is scary enough. and she takes all the blame for almost everything we do. everytime the class gets into trouble, the teacher would always ask :" who is the monitor? why is the class like this? why didnt u control them ...." and while most of u just stand there and feel guity. her life isnt all that perfect too u know. Miss liow scolds her almost everyday too.. And she even mentioned in class that she hopes she can see nichole passing her test. It can hurt someone too u know. Wanna experience this kind of life? and if u think thats all she experiences, u are SO wrong. At home, this chatty girl speak less then 10 sentences. and there is more which i am not allowed to say.( her privacy..) so yeah think before u complain. and be nicer to charity ^^yes i know this post is an emo post. was inspired by a convo with nichole. but she didnt ask me to do anything. she is way too humbleLabels: Life
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
emo post..
When i look at life, i think it is really how you wanna live it. it isnt always all about grades and stuff or your wonderful love life, it really is more about how you live it through, happily, or always sulky and complaining. Choose your options. i have realised that life is short and before you know it, you die. Live your life well. treasure it and the people and things around you.And is it really any use to complain? sometimes, it just harms you even more than you know. what i want to focus is that life is up to you. there are many options. dun just keep thinking " SHIT lar so much homework how to finish.. Die liaos" that is the wrong attitude. i dun ask you to be happy about it. who is happy about homework. but when you complain, you waste time. when you waste time, you die earlier in a sense that you dun have many events that you would appreciate well. so just think of homework as something to help u and get it done and over with. TOUGH LUCK though. Your friends are the key points. without them, will you be here? they are the ones helping you thru everything when you fall. they dun laugh at whatever grades you get or scold you over it. Appreciate them. and think about life.Labels: Life
